Stages of Development Paper: The Butler

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Another major life event that occurred during this time was when my family moved out of our house in South Buffalo to the suburbs in West Seneca which was about 5 miles away from where my friends lived. Although I continued to attend the same high school, I had to make an extra effort to be with my friends. Growing up, my friends and I would always bike ride or roller blade everywhere and play sports or hang out. When we moved, I remember being very upset because I did not think I would be able to see my friends as much and would lose the friendships I had since grade school. One of my favorite things in my freshman year of high school before I broke my leg was walking to and from school with my friends. After the move however, I was forced to take the bus or get picked up from school and then I would have to bike ride back to hang out with my friends. During this time, I felt very distanced from my friends not only because of the distance but because none of us had cell phones yet and we would often be unable to reach each other at home. I did learn however that in order to keep and maintain friendships, you have to work hard and be determined to maintain those bonds.

I was very concerned with staying connected to my peer group after the move into the suburbs during high school. Although the move greatly improved my physical fitness as I would have to bike ride or roller blade a total of 10 miles round trip to see my friends, it did place an emotional strain on me at first adjusting to the distance and decreased opportunities to socialize with my peers outside of school. My parents both observed how important it was for me to maintain these relationships and they would often drive me when the weather was bad so I could still visit my friends. A major life lesson I learned during this time was in my sophomore year after soccer practice however. My dad was supposed to pick me up from my friend’s house at a designated time after soccer practice. I had walked from school to practice, practiced until 5 P.M. and then went out to eat with my friends after practice which caused us to be late getting to their house. His parents had informed me my dad was there about a half hour before waiting to pick me up and had driven home. I called to ask him for a ride home to which he responded, “You should have been where you were supposed to be on time.” I had to walk home with all my school books, soccer gear and get home in time to finish my homework before bed. That experience taught me to keep your commitments and always be on time if not early.

My parents provided me with a “secure base” in that they provided me with guidance throughout high school to make good decisions. They also allowed me the freedom to explore on my own and make my own mistakes in order to learn from them without having values or limits imposed on me. There would not be sufficient space within this paper to adequately discuss the freedoms I was given to explore my various relationships throughout high school and learn by making my own mistakes but suffice it to say my parents were supportive and provided me guidance when I would accept it. Many of the “risks” I took during this time were calculated according to my social group and how I was raised. For example, during high school, my peer group and I began to regularly smoke cigarettes and experiment with alcohol and drugs. Between my freshman year to my senior year, my peer group had 3 close friends die, two of which were a direct result of alcohol use while driving. Many of my friends took to using alcohol and drugs to avoid dealing with the emotions associated with these losses. Although I would also participate in these activities, due to my upbringing and my father modeling alcohol use in moderation, I would not use the same quantities nor frequencies as many of my friends. I was able to have open discussions with my father about anything and I believe that helped contribute to my psychological well-being during this time frame. If I was unable to process these experiences with my father however, I believe that I may have wound up on the same path that many of my peers took during this time.

Although I was able to process these losses and develop more healthy coping skills than some members of my peer group, at the time having access to a counselor may have been beneficial to further process these losses. Having a supportive family helped me to progress through Lawrence Kohlberg’s stages of moral development during my adolescence. I believe that throughout most of high school, I was in the conventional law and order stage. Although I would engage in activities with my friends that were against my parents’ rules and the laws of society, I would for the most part obey my parents’ wishes and held a deep respect for authority. Towards the end of my adolescence, I believe that I transitioned into the post conventional social contract stage of moral development as my perceptions of right and wrong were more determined by my values and I had the ability to follow society’s laws or my own values. For example, I decided to move to Ohio to attend college following high school. I felt very secure in my self-concept and due to my peer socializations, academic and athletic achievements throughout high school. This was the first time in my life that I was “on my own” in regards to living apart from my parents and also all of my friends that I had grown up with. As a result of my experiences and values as well as some ability to self-regulate, I was able to transition successfully into “college life” where some of my peers fell short. Many of my fellow classmates began experimenting with alcohol and drugs for the first time because they were “free” from their parents’ restrictions. I was able to compose myself however because I was able to converse with and question my parents about their guidance/advice during my adolescence. Being autonomous provided me with great advantage over many of my classmates to assist me in forming relationships, making positive choices and limiting my interactions with detrimental substances and individuals. As a direct result of my experiences and support from my family and friends, I believe that I identify with the “identity achievement” status in that I was given the opportunity to explore through personal experience or vicariously through my peers and formed my own values and goals. During this time in my life, I had very high self-esteem and had foundations in place towards a successful education and career field during my transition into college.

Early Adulthood

Throughout college up to the present day, I had a wide variety of experiences that strengthened my identity and improved my relationships with my family and friends. Although my own development