Psychology’s Place in Mediation

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Self-Esteem and Pride

Almost directly correlated with the idea of self-identity is the notion of self-esteem. Self-esteem is the psychological principle present within every human being that reflects how an individual subjectively evaluates him or herself, and is a judgment carried out by the self, about the self. Because how an individual views and judges oneself is crucial in creating an attitude and, subsequently, an approach to decision-making, being able to somewhat control and preferably elevate an individual’s self-esteem is a valuable skill for a mediator. When talking about self-esteem in negotiation situations, it is more apt to describe it as an individual’s ego or a need to “save face.” The ego can quite often be a substantial roadblock in the development of the ability to recognize one’s self as well as another’s (Eriksson, 7). The capacity to “let go” of a particular issue varies wildly depending on the ego that an individual has built up, and it is the mediator’s job to know how to nurture this capacity and work either with or against an individual’s self-esteem (Bader).

Specifically, in relation to self-esteem and the ego, a very common internal emotion that becomes involved is pride. Pride is a “a moral, self- conscious emotion that is the polar opposite of anger” (Eriksson, 8), and is focused on “taking credit for an achievement and a feeling of superiority.” (Gooty, Gavin, Ashkanasy, and Thomas, 398) Because of this, pride is often a major factor in mediation, and is an issue that must be dealt with from the beginning in order to prevent a shutting down of any progress towards agreement and settlement. Because it is a self-conscious emotion, pride is completely a product of the self, and the ego is intertwined with pride. Pride is very fickle, and easily swayed by the actions of other individuals and products of the environment that the individual has no control over whatsoever. Furthermore, due to pride’s correlation with a desire for achievement and a feeling of superiority, individuals engaged in mediation, which is by nature a very threatening scenario to one’s perceived position over another, can become defensive and easily damaged.

Conflict itself can create an “ego threat” (De Dreu and van Knippenberg, 28) which makes an individuals completely wall up, in order to protect his or her ego from further damage, and has the potential to make them irrational in their attitude and response. Spite becomes a common response in these situations when the ego and pride are threatened, and individuals will even reject completely reasonable offers coming from both the mediator and the other party simply because their pride has been wounded (Bader). People engaged in negotiations who have been pushed to these levels of hostility are identifying and correlating their arguments to their identities and egos. Candidly put, everything becomes personal, especially after one’s pride is damaged and he or she is left vulnerable to the mediator and the opposing party. This is another instance in which the role of the mediator is crucial, and where he or she must react quickly and strategically in order to avoid further complications in the mediation process. The identity and esteem of the self are both at stake, and a psychoanalytic understanding is needed in order for the mediator to move forward with the process.

The IDR Cycle: Inflation and Deflation

This understanding comes in the form of a cycle which mediator Elizabeth Bader calls the IDR cycle. The IDR cycle stands for inflation, deflation, and hopefully realistic resolution, and it demands “strength of self on a basic, simple, healthy ego level, especially at the outset.” (Bader) Because it is most effective when both of the parties involved are able to attain this healthy ego level from the start, it behooves the mediator to engage in the cycle as soon as possible. However, as is the current situation in discussion, self-esteem and identity are very fragile and volatile things, and the IDR cycle is able to account for this by turning the focus onto “releas[ing]…psychological investment in the outcome of the negotiation.” (Bader) This includes the involvement of the mediator as well, and so, it is all the more apparent that knowledge and practice of psychological tools and developments such as the IDR cycle are vital for successful mediators.

The IDR cycle begins with a period of psychological inflation, which can be simply defined as overconfidence. Overconfidence is the most general stance that mediations, and any negotiation situation in general, involves, and psychologists have traced the roots of this reaction back to the way interpersonal conflict is processed as a “[threat]…to the existence of the self.” (Bader) It is also a defense to the anxiety conflict creates for everyone, as individual will “self-inflate” in order to reassure themselves as being able to come out the winner from this challenging scenario (Bader). This is the phase in which both or one of the parties will overestimate the position that they are in, and will ask for far more out of the mediation than they truly are entitled to. Once the inflated party or parties receive the first counter offer and are brought back to see the stark reality of their position, the period of deflation begins. This is when the self-esteem and identity take the first major hit, and the parties become defensive as their egos are threatened and their positions are seemingly weakened. It is at this point that the mediator must be most careful, as one or both of the parties, depending on whether or not they are deflated, will become antagonistic and begin blaming their apparent loss of ground on the mediator (Bader).

The mediator, in this situation, must get the parties past this narcissistic “impasse,” all the while ensuring that he or she too do not lose his or her sense of identity and ego (Bader). The impasse is a product of the injured pride and threatened ego that was previously mentioned, and makes the parties even less inclined to give in to the proposed settlements, no matter how enticing, than during the deflation period as a whole. Once the mediator recognizes this psychological issue, the best steps to take are “depersonalize[ing] the impasse and… evaluat[ing] options which are objectively useful for the parties even if they are not the ideal solutions the parties had initially envisioned.” (Bader). The first step of depersonalizing is vital, as that is what will help take the parties out of the deflation period and put them on the track towards a resolution. A practically applicable approach to this depersonalization is the momentary separation of the individuals’ goals from the