Domestic Violence

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Remaining the Victim

“It honestly seems like four out of five women who walk through our doors because they are leaving an abusive partner, were also abused as children. Or, they watched their mothers get beaten by their fathers. The stories are all so similar” (Greenwell, 2013). Nationally, one of the most common factors for victims of intimate partner abuse (IPV) is that the victim was abused as a child. The correlation is unmistakeable (Abramsky, 2011).

Women, especially, find a masochistic comfort in having a partner who abuses. It goes back to what Greenwell mentioned in her interview. When someone sees or feels an example of what the abuser claims is “love”, then than person can only associate being abused with love (Greenwell, 2013). It becomes habitual, and is what that victim thinks is acceptable (Abramsky, 2011).

This rings true for sexual abuse, as well. A child who is sexually abused is four times more likely to enter into unhealthy sexual relationships in adulthood. The reason is because his or her first sexual experience was damaging to his or her compass of what should be accepted (Abramsky, 2011). Children who are victims of abuse and grow up remaining in a cycle of abuse called a repetition of compulsion. Women who were abused as children seek out men (or women) who are abusive because they unknowingly believe that if they make this surrogate parent figure happy they will erase the pain of childhood (Berman).

Most victims never even realize (without intervention, of course), that they are stuck in this cycle. They - consciously or subconsciously - believe that if they can finally please someone without violent repercussions, they will have succeeded and finally deserve love. This almost always results in continually disappointing and unhealthy relationships; if a victim picks a person like the abuser they are really trying to please (i.e. an abusive mother or father), than that partner is going to be aggressive, violent, and still never give the unconditional love the victim so desperately seeks (Berman).

Trapped by Abuse

While the correlation between a victim staying in a repetitive compulsion is only, roughly, forty-five percent of victims and the correlation between the abused becoming the abuser is roughly one-third of victims, the correlation for the inability to become a healthy adult after being a childhood victim is almost commonplace. It has been found that eighty percent of childhood abuse victims are in the range for at least one psychiatric disorder by the age of twenty-one (Childhelp, 2013). Fewer than twenty percent of child abuse victims go on to college (if they finish high school), and this often leaves them unable to support themselves financially because of missed career opportunities. These former victims lack self-esteem, basic social skills, and an inability to maintain essential relationships. The abuse they endured has led to mistrust and fear. The ability to function in normal social situation is lost when they are incapable of making eye contact because they are in constant fear of repercussion for some imagined wrongdoing (Sugaya, 2012).

Incidents of post-traumatic stress disorder, alcoholism, homelessness, suicide, and cases of runaways are higher in victims of abuse. A study has even shown that women who were the victims of childhood domestic violence are more likely to end up becoming single mothers living on welfare. The implications abuse has are far and wide (Upadrashta, 2012). Socioeconomic levels of victims often drops once they enter adulthood. Most fail classes in high school and college. They are more likely to become petty criminals (Sugaya, 2012).

Studies have shown that two-thirds of people in substance abuse programs are victims of childhood abuse (SafeHorizon, 2013). This victims are more likely practice or participate in unsafe sexual situations and are more likely to contract a sexually-transmitted disease. These victims are also more likely to have unwanted pregancies (ChildHelp, 2013). They live with a constant feeling of guilt, even though they rarely have any true reason for said guilt (Upadrashta, 2012).

All these effects of childhood abuse prevent these individuals from becoming functioning members of society. A lack of self-esteem will engender a sense of never being able to accomplish even the smallest goals. Alcoholism and other substance abuse will lead to more serious health problems or death. Mental illness and psychiatric disorders (especially when untreated, as most of these are [Loxton, 2006]), lead to a basic inability to live. The constant guilt that follows these victims makes for poor decision-making skills and a sense of impotency. Plagued with all these issues, it is not a wonder that the suicide rate for former victims is extremely high (ChildHelp, 2013).

Conclusion, Discussion, and Analysis

Victims of domestic violence often become offenders of domestic violence in adulthood. Victims of domestic violence more often get stuck in a cycle of repetitive compulsion. Victims of domestic violence most often have mental, emotional, physical, and behavioral scars that are too deep to heal without intervention; scars that prevent them from living happily.

It is true that children who are beaten or witness domestic violence can grow up and lead successful, productive lives. They can even become wonderful parents and partners. However, that is not the norm. There are cases that end in “happily ever after”, but those are the exceptions to the rules. Society, especially in this nation, is slowly turning to face the problems of domestic violence, but that was not always the case. It, just as few as fifty years ago, was perfectly acceptable for a man to beat his wife or children as a form of discipline. The system that watches out for child victims is also over-worked, under-funded, and weary of heart. Too often case workers will remove a child from a dangerous situation, only to watch that child go right back into that situation. Or worse, to get lost and become a new kind of victim-- a victim of the system.

There is also the problem of culture and religion. Many cultures and religions still hold fast to archaic beliefs that a man is in charge, and does as he sees fit. Abuse is hardwired into the systems of these family members and they not only accept it, but believe it is the only way to function as a family unit. Education within the school system and community system is improving, but can not trump freedom of belief. It is a sad fact that domestic violence is an increasing instead of dwindling, problem. It is an even sadder fact that abuse does not stop when a child leaves