The Art of Saying No

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Here are a few inappropriate (or troublesome) “no” statements:

∙ “The project looks too difficult.”

∙ “I'm in the middle of planning my wedding and can't focus on anything right now.”

∙ “I can’t be bothered.”

∙ “I’ve done enough for you already.”

∙ “No one else on the team is asked to do as much as I’m asked to do.”

Ways to Give ‘A Good No’:

- Vague but effective: “Thank you for asking, but that isn’t going to work out for me.”

- It’s not personal: “Thank you for asking, but I’m not doing any interviews while I’m writing my book.”

- Ask me later: “I want to do that, but I’m not available until April. Will you ask me again then?”

4. Let me hook you up: “I can’t do it, but I’ll bet Shelly can. I’ll ask her for you.”

5. Keep trying: “None of those dates work for me, but I would love to see you. Send me some more dates.”

6. Try me last minute: “I can’t put anything else on my calendar this month, but I’d love to do that with you sometime. Will you call me right before you go again?”

7. Gratitude: “Thank you so much for your enthusiasm and support! I’m sorry I’m not able to help you at this time.”

8. 5-minute favour: “I can’t speak at your event, but I will help you promote it on my blog.”

9. Gracious: “I really appreciate you asking me, but my time is already committed.”

10. It’s Someone Else’s Decision: “I promised my coach I wouldn’t take on any more projects right now. I’m working on creating more balance in my life.”

11. I Know Someone Else: “I just don’t have time right now. Let me recommend someone who may be able to help you.”

12. Setting Boundaries: “Let me tell you what I can do…” Then limit the commitment to what will be comfortable for you.

13. Not No, But Not Yes: “Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you.”

Summary

Saying yes when we really want to say no doesn’t do anyone a service. We can’t please everyone, so instead of reluctantly giving in, we should try forming two magic letters that can free us from potential resentment and burnout.

Many people pleasers believe that nobody will like them if they stop doing things for other people. If someone stops liking us because we don’t do what they ask, then we’re being used by them and probably don’t want them as a friend anyway. People will like us for who we are and not simply for what we do. We deserve to take time to ourselves, to say NO, and to take care of ourselves without feeling guilty. It’s within our reach to change – one small step at a time!