My Grandparent’s Love Story

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I believe that people are definitely open to change. Every day is different and the choices you make one day changes how the future may be. When people walk out of our lives, we grow to live differently or replace them. But those are large changes, and each individual reacts differently. Early experiences can permanently affect us to how we react to things in the future such as rape, death, fears, and big threats can damage our psychological steps. But overall, a person can change and be taught to grow past experiences. From these stories, they have taught me to accept mistakes and that life is too short to not live in the moment and that it never hurts to get to know someone.

Until this class or reading the book, I never really gave the concepts of families much thought, except for the fact that each person had a family that it was different from mine. It is interesting that all countries are at different stages of progression, the economies are all very different, cultures are all varied, yet each country knows what a family is.

When I was five years old, my grandparents opened a College Saving Plan. Instead of splurging on materialist items for gifts on birthdays and Christmas, they put money into an account for my college education. With their planning ahead and priorities, I was able to move to Portland and attend Portland State University with everything paid for. A quote hung up in my grandparent’s house was, “Twenty years from now it won’t matter what shoes you wore, how your hair looked, or what kind of jeans you bought. What will matter is what you learned and how you used it.” As each day passes, I find this statement so true. At the time, every person wants the latest gadgets, the expensive brand name clothes, and to look like everyone else. But in my family, they focused on straying away from materialistic needs and thinking about bigger things in life such as what I want to be, where I wanted to go to college, and to be thankful for what I already had. My grandparents raised me to be independent and taught me to form my own opinions and decisions. They wanted me to be successful in life, but they believed that success came from hard work and being humble not by showing off and being egotistic.

Thanks to grandparents as a child I believe in magic. They love us with their unconditional love! My grandparents can love us in a way that they expect nothing in return and are not demanding from their grandchildren to speak at least three languages or to know read and write at the age of three. Our grandparents forgive us. They always support us with their fingers crossed and are full of pride when they tell others about our successes or show our pictures. They never forget our birthdates, however much grandchildren they had, and give us sense of security. We can always talk seriously about important matters to our grandparents. They recall the names of our friends in kindergarten and do not interrupt us in the middle of the story about the “love of your life” when you are in the third grade. They are very wise and know exactly when the child wants to just cry. They have plenty of time for their grandchildren with no hurry and clearly survived the days when there were no faxes, the Internet, ATMs, and holiday greetings sent by mail but not by e-mail. However, grandparents can quit what they are doing to feed their grandchildren, to build a castle on the table or even to repair a tape recorder for a whole week. More than that, our grandparents are great negotiators between their grandchildren and their parents.

From the reading, I chose the Roles Theory (Yerby). Roles Theory is basically that we all play roles in life and that we each have a niche within the system so there are not 2 individuals playing the same exact character or role (Yerby). These roles control our behavior and determine how we will interact with who we are surrounded by (Yerby). Each individual must play their part within the system for a family to function. Such as in a family, the dad is the disciplinary role, the mom is the emotional supporter, the older sibling is the protector of the younger siblings, and so on. If any of the roles try to play the part of a different role that is how family arguments occur. Such as if my grandma wanted to be in the work force and my grandpa took care of the children, the children would not be satisfied with their replacement caretaker of the day and my grandma would not have the skills of a mathematician with a PhD within a day to be teaching at a University.

In my opinion, I believe that their marriage lasted so long because of the Role Theory. When an individual fulfills a role, they have that feeling of accomplishment and significance. When my grandpa was able to provide the finances for groceries, bills and every day needs he felt helpful and needed. As well, as when my grandma knew how to cook homemade meals that the family would praise and be full off she felt her purpose was needed also. Raising children kept the household full of energy and kept both parents occupied and created a need for schedules, priorities and plans. The feeling of importance fills a void for a successful marriage. When a person feels wanted or needed it creates a purpose. Each person brings something to the table whether it is a skill, resource or support. The difference between the two brought the both of them closer together.

References

Yerby, J. (2011). Understanding Family Communications (2nd ed.). Boston, MA: Pearson Learning Solution. Print