My Hero

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My father had a series of tests, tasks, or ordeals that he had to go through in order to begin their transformation. After finishing the detoxing process, my father had to start what was called the ‘Twelve steps to recovery’. “This was where I had to confront my past, and it was the longest part of my recovery. Steps one through eight were not difficult for me, the hardest step and the longest step was step nine, because that’s where I had to make direct amends to those that I had hurt throughout my addiction”. I asked my father why step nine seemed to be the hardest; “For years I didn’t feel like I should have apologize, for years I blamed everyone else. When your mother left and you girls moved to Texas, I suppressed my anger and depression through alcohol. My whole world was crushed. But it was your mother’s decision to leave. But in time I learned that she left because of my actions and I lost you girls because of my own choices. I guess it was just hard for me to admit that”. Every hero experiences love that has power to overcome all obstacles; it is used as an encourager to move forward in the journey and to not give up hope. “I have always been a very religious man. Your Nan and Pop raised your uncles and I to be devout Catholics, but I drifted away from my faith and religion when I chose to pick up my bottle instead of the Bible. But when I was in treatment I was sober, and felt the power of God again; the same feeling I felt as a child. That’s when I knew he (God) had never given up on me. That’s when I knew that if I stuck to my faith then I would be able to overcome this disease and everything else would fall into place”. Now, usually at this level, different temptations try to destroy the journey a hero is given. Everyone battles the urge of temptation at one point or another, but not everyone’s temptations are the same. “My mind was my worst enemy; ‘You won’t succeed’ was often a thought that crossed my mind. But when I caught myself thinking negative, I would ask God to remove those thoughts and provide me with peace of mind. I guess, looking back at that point in my life, my negative thoughts were my temptation. My thoughts were the only thing trying fail me”.

At this point, the hero typically does not want to return home, but to live in the state of divine knowledge for all time, and they often face a sort of grievance, within themselves. It is now October 18th, 2011 when my father’s treatment counselor places a referral into the ‘academy’ for my father to return home. My father has completed treatment and proved himself strong enough to continue this journey outside of treatment, but my father was scared. “I knew I wasn’t the same person anymore”, my father stated. “I knew I had completed all the tasks that I came to complete, but I completed those tasks being secluded from society. For seven months, I didn’t have to see someone with a beer in their hand. The thought of being vulnerable scared the hell out of me”. The hero tries to escape with the reward from the journey to a safe zone where he or she will not feel rejection or have their power, ability or wisdom taken from them. The thought of leaving treatment seemed to be an idea my father was not too excited about and deep down he knew eventually he would have to leave. “Of course I wanted to go back home and prove to the family and you girls that I really changed, but I also did not want to feel rushed. I didn’t want to risk letting you girls down”. But little did my dad know, at this point, my sister and I were starting to open up to the idea of allowing our father back into our lives. We knew that repairing the relationship and building the trust back with our father, was not going to be an easy road, but it needed to be done. As the hero needs encouragement and mentors to guide them on their journey, they must also have mentors to help them return home. So my sister and I booked our flights, packed our bags and headed on our way to tell our father that we forgave him. My father had no idea we were coming into town, in fact nobody knew except the treatment center personnel, so when my sister and I walked into our father’s room we could see the sign of relief on his face. “When I saw you girls come into my room I was relieved. I worked so hard to change my life for you guys, but at that moment I was so scared to fail you girls”, my father stated. Memories of the past seemed to flood our minds during our visit, but my sister and I knew we needed to be there to let our father know that we supported his new beginnings despite his past. “Before you girls came to visit me I was really thinking about staying in treatment for a little while longer; maybe even joining a half way home. But knowing I was going to have your support through my journey made my decision to leave and go home easy”. My father graduated from treatment and returned home on October 23, 2011.

The trick to returning home is to retain the wisdom you have gained on your journey and to integrate that wisdom and experience into everyday life. My father adjusted well to being back home; he even found that he was easily able to battle urges and temptation by ignoring the causes of them. “The boys started to call me again”, my father stated. “They would always ask if I wanted to join them for a drink. It offended me at first, but then I realized it wasn’t their fault. That’s the only side of me I ever showed them. They didn’t know anything about the new me…So I let them go. I didn’t need to be around people that wanted to see me fail again. In the end, they were never really my friends”. The hero has the ability to ‘be’ in whatever world they find themselves. Although it took some time to fully adjust, my father was able to change from a man that suffered from alcoholism, into a sober, Godly man that idolizes his two daughters. But when I asked my father, “Do you feel that you have completed your journey, never to return down the same path again?” He responded with, "I am still in a journey, the journey repeats it's self daily, and it will never end. But by the grace of God my trials will be positive, because if I go back to who I use to be, then I don't think I will ever return or recover, and I know I will lose you girls."