Curious Incident Piece

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I finally regained some composure and decided I needed to clean him up. I touched his shoulder again and told him “ Christopher, we have to get you cleaned up, OK?” It was strange to see him like in such a detached state. His eyes were open and he was awake, but he had a glaze over his eyes and seemed to be in a daze. He normally wouldn’t let anyone touch him except for our high-five gesture, which was the only affection he would show.

"Christopher, I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to run you a hot bath. Then I'm going to come back and take you to the bathroom, OK? Then I can put the sheets into the washing machine,” I explained to him. He always likes to know exactly what is going on and is so precise. I knew he could hear me and thought that he would get at least a little comfort knowing what I was doing. I drew him a bath and went back to get him in the tub.

"Let's do this really gently, Christopher. Let's sit you up and get your clothes off and get you into the bath, OK? I'm going to have to touch you, but it's going to be all right,” I told him trying to soothe him and keep him relaxed. While I was taking his jumper and his shirt off I had to reach around him and I realized that it was the closest I’d been to him since he was a baby. It’s so sad to not get to touch your child, to hug him, or run your hand through his hair. I tried not to think about things like that, but sitting there with him then I couldn’t help myself. I was so sad and happy at the same time that my eyes watered again and a single tear streamed down my cheek.