Halal Dating: An Oxymoron?

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On the other hand there are plenty of hadiths that simply seem to conflict with Islamic values and etiquettes described in hadiths such as those mentioned previously. A prime example of this can be seen in the report by Ibn Anas, who recalls the prophet stating that one of the qualities of sweet faith is loving Allah and his Apostle over everything and “Lov[ing] a person and he loves him only for Allah's Sake.” Here the prophet firmly believes that loving one another for the sake of Allah and brotherhood in faith are among the most excellent acts of worship. This worship comes with conditions upon those who would love for the sake of Allah. This love has its duties that must be fulfilled so that the relationship will be pure. Upholding these duties brings a Muslim nearer to Allah and to His pleasure and, over time, it can bring about a greater nobility of person. In this case, if dating was done with the right intention of pleasing Allah, then is it permissible? This hadith seems to answer with a bold yes. After reading this hadith several times, it is evident that loving someone is totally acceptable as long as one’s love for Allah remains stronger than love with any other human being on this planet. Also, as with many issues in Islam, intentions play a huge role in verifying one’s actions and behavior. Intentions are personal testaments made between an individual and God and no one has the right to judge their soundness other than God.

The contradictions found in these hadiths make it very difficult for Islamic jurists and Muslims in general to come to a definitive fatwa regarding the issue of dating. As with many issues not explicitly discussed in the Quran or Sunnah, establishing a fatwa can be very difficult and at times, a source of heated debate and argument. After a close examination of a few hadiths, there seems to be an implication that the very act of dating is permissible. Dating, without any sexual interaction and through the right means and intentions is totally coherent with Islamic guidelines regarding basic human interactions between two persons. The question of whether or not true dating is possible without any physical interaction or sexual drive is debated amongst many scholars today. Also, the consequences of not dating can be more harmful in the long run than those of dating. Dating is not necessarily one’s access to an individual’s virginity, but is also a route to establishing true love. In my opinion, the open and loose interpretation of many of these legal sources as well as the promotion of itjtihad allows the religion to adapt to society over time and establishes a compromise between differing thoughts and opinions. It is not acceptable if a Mufti condemns dating or considers it “haram” since the very concept of dating differs through generations, for every person, and with every intention. Grounded, authentic love, after all, is a human emotion and virtue provided to us by God, and taking it away from anyone is doing so against God’s will.

Hadiths

1) Narrated Anas

Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever possesses the (following) three qualities will have the sweetness of faith (1): The one to whom Allah and His Apostle becomes dearer than anything else; (2) Who loves a person and he loves him only for Allah's Sake; (3) who hates to revertto atheism (disbelief) as he hates to be thrown into the Fire."

2) Hadith - Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 817, Narrated Zaid bin Khalid

Allah's Apostle ordered that an unmarried man who committed illegal sexual intercourse be scourged one hundred lashes and sent into exile for one year.

3) Narrated Al-Qasim

A woman from the offspring of Ja'far was afraid lest her guardian marry her (to somebody) against her will. So she sent for two elderly men from the Ansar, 'AbdurRahman and Mujammi', the two sons of Jariya,and they said to her, "Don't be afraid, for Khansa' bint Khidam was given by her father in marriage against her will, then the Prophet cancelled that marriage." (See Hadith No. 78)

4) Narrated Ibn 'Umar

During the lifetime of the Prophet we used to avoid chatting leisurely and freely with our wives lest some Divine inspiration might be revealed concerning us. But when the Prophet had died, we started chatting leisurely and freely (with them).

5) (16) Ibn 'Abbas (Allah be pleased with them) reported: I heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) delivering a sermon and making this observation:" No person should be alone with a woman except when there is a mahram with her, and the woman should not undertake journey except with a mahram." A person stood up and said: Allah's Messenger, my wife has set out for pilgrimage, whereas I am enlisted to fight in such and such battle, whereupon he said:" You go and perform Hajj with your wife." (Book #007, Hadith #3110)