Child Migration

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Moving meant that I would have to leave Gally, my precious baby sister that I love more than anything. My mom was pregnant and I felt guilty for leaving. I felt guilty because my brother was away at college so she wouldn’t have any help with taking care of my sisters. I wasn’t scared to be independent, or to start a life on my own because I had already learned so much. I was scared that my mom would hate me. The thought that I wouldn’t know my new baby sister as well rolled around in my conscious. I knew Gally like the back of my hand, and I felt the responsibility to know my sister the same as well. My mom refused to believe that I was actually moving away from her. She never thought her sweet daughter was capable of doing it, or that would even think about it. I think the day I left she was still in denial. I can remember it like it was yesterday. My flight left in the evening, so it was even harder to go all day knowing that I was leaving. As I said goodbye to my sister she didn’t quite understand that I wouldn’t be back later that night, or the next day, but instead in a few months to visit. My mom couldn’t even say goodbye to me. There was no hug, just cold tears running down both of our faces. I hadn’t even gotten to the airport when my brother texted me a hurtful message. He told me I was selfish, that I had hurt my mom and he was disgusted with me. He was disappointed because I had left my pregnant mom and my two year old sister in sorrow. It made me furious that he would have the audacity to say something to me when I have been in both of their lives more than he had ever been. It was acceptable for him because he was away at college, and in his perspective I was just moving because I was being the “rebel child.” At the end of the day I did feel guilty, I felt terrible, but I had made a decision and it was too late to turn back around. I had made a decision, I didn’t quite know what I was getting from it, and I still don’t.

It was hard to adjust to life without my mom, and especially without Gally. The first couple of days my mom wouldn’t answer her phone. I felt nostalgic, because I had to know that she was going to be okay. Gally would call me and ask me where I was and when I was coming back home. I was in school one day and I got a voicemail for my mom, it was my sister saying, “Sandra where are you, I miss you.” She would wait outside my bedroom waiting for me to come out. My two-year-old sister couldn’t understand why I had left, but I hope one day she does. I always dwelled on why my mom raised me so strict. But I don’t give her enough credit for raising me to the individual that I have become. Most people admire how hard I work for everything I have. I don’t depend on anyone but myself. Sometimes it gets hard but it only makes me stronger and the only person that I have to thank for is my mother. I don’t regret not going out in high school. I don’t regret spending most days with my sister. It was never about her keeping me on a leash like I thought she did, she just wanted the best for me. I hate that it took moving twenty-one hours away for me to realize it. I feel guilty that I defended my dad over my mom. He left and she had stayed by my side. Of course there is days that I still wonder why my dad left, how life would be if he would’ve stayed. Sure my mom wasn’t at any of my soccer games, but she was there at the most significant moments of my life. It’s important to remember that we are given tough love for a reason. We can’t always expect the easy way out. It’s those difficult moments that define who we are. Am I weak or am I strong? The tears we cry are washed away, but it’s those moments that we always remember.