Working as a Certified Nursing Assistant

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I want my future job to be something that will help out others, which being a CNA helps out the people in my community. I’ve gotten many opportunities to do so by helping old people with their needs or just by helping them with daily activities. When working with long term residents I had to feed some of them. They would always crack jokes and we had the best laughs. Just by feeding them you could tell how much appreciation and impact I had on their lives. Going along with that working as a CNA, I have gotten a lot of appreciation from my community.

Working as a CNA has opened my eyes up to how important the job is. People wouldn’t be able to get the help they need without us. It truly takes a good heart to be able to do this type of work. Those who are suffering have gained a special place in my heart and I want to be able to help them as much as possible. I think education reformer John Dewey summed education up well by saying, “Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.” By finding the right job that you are passionate about, that gives you self-fulfillment in my life, and will help out others are what I think is the purpose of education.

Revisions

I started my introduction differently by explaining more about how working with others makes me feel heartwarming. I also made some changes to my thesis statment to try and make it less broad. I added some more examples in my body paragraphs from my experiences working. Also, I explained more about why this job gives me fulfillment. I worked on making my conclusion more specific rather than general.