Fyw 101 - My Suffering Is My Landmark

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so just get over it.” As one can imagine, this made me furious. I didn’t understand why they were treating my illness like it was a joke, like I was just being a teenager who was being overdramatic about the bad day she had. It was a serious subject that could have even turned out to be a life or death matter. The worst part was that I couldn’t fight back. I had to listen to and obey them because they were the ones paying for the prescription. It was like talking to a cement wall. No matter how hard I tried to explain, they simply rejected to comprehend where I was coming from. At the end I just gave up. I acted like I was better and I was happy just so I could make them happy as so many people do in our society.

We live in a world where pop culture consumes our everyday lives. In our century, the mainstream media plays such a huge role and our society uses it to show us how to act and be. The mainstream media and pop culture contain the power to decide who we can and cannot be. They tell us what the “social norm” is, and like a herd of clueless sheep, we idiotically follow. Once we begin to develop our own thoughts and ideas about who we should be and how we should live, we begin to stand out of the crowd. This is where we fall into trouble. George Orwell demonstrates this perfectly in his dystopian novel, 1984. In the book, “Big Brother” watches over all, and everybody has to act and be what they are assigned at birth. Everybody does what they are told without thinking twice. However, Winston Smith is the exception. He, unlike the rest, can actually think for himself and begins to question the world around him. Once he starts to act differently than those around him, “Big Brother” notices and Winston is punished by being subjected to torture. “Big Brother” tortures him into believing what everybody else believes to be the truth about their world. Just like “Big Brother,” our society punishes those who act and think differently than the majority. Those who stick out of the crowd are looked at differently. They are picked at and put into a separate box than everyone else. I kept my emotions and thoughts hidden from the world because I was afraid of how people would see me. I was scared that the people I love would not love me anymore and they would look down on me because I failed to be what I was expected to be. From an early age, society had told me that I had to be the happy, nice, talkative, and the brightest version of myself, twenty-four-seven, in order for me to be accepted and valuable. When I realized that I couldn’t be what they wanted me to be, I ran and hid out of fear.

Before I started telling people about my depression, they viewed me as extremely happy, charismatic, loud, and daring. Most people would never see or notice my more dismal and melancholy downfalls. It is because of this that whenever anyone, even just a single person, would notice my sadness and asked me what was wrong, I told them, “I’m just tired,” or “Oh, I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m sleepy.” I was petrified to tell anyone the complete truth about myself because of the fear of being rejected. It wasn’t until recently that I was able to truly express myself and let others see my inner self. Now, I’m okay with people knowing that I’m not always fine, and that I just need a little break from being “happy.”

In the short time of my being diagnosed to now, I have learned a tremendous amount of things about myself and the world. I have learned that it’s okay to be vulnerable and completely honest about my emotions around others. The right people will love me for me no matter my ups and downs. They will be there for me and with me through the rollercoaster we call life. The people who truly care will deal with and adore every single part of me whether it be good or bad. I also learned that having depression does not mean that I should be looked down on. Instead, it makes me a unique individual because it is a landmark of my journey. As Nickolas Sparks said, “Without suffering, there would be no compassion” (“A Walk to Remember”). I am able to show those around me compassion because of the things and emotions I went through. It is the reason that I am able to interact with, relate to, and sympathize with others the way that I do today. Sometimes, we need to stray away from the herd and stand out as individuals in a crowd of sheep. It is only when we do this, that we will be able to realize our full potentials. Realizing all these things and understanding myself better has helped me gain confidence and the ability to reassure myself.