Misperception Essay

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I would cry until I could not anymore. Then I would get so mad as to why my friends didn’t notice I was still hurt. But who am I to blame them if I never really wanted to talk about it in the first place. So then I would cry again and tell myself that I was an idiot for doing this. After I was done with all my emotions I started to think, life will still go on even if I’m hurting, even if I’m dying inside. So then I stored the rest of my emotions inside and was "happy" afterward. This process took me about 2-3 days when I was first starting out. Now it takes me 2-3 hours depending on the problem.

There are other people like me out there. But also there were other people who say “I’m fine” and actually mean it. It’s not as rare as I thought it was, but If you search online emotion suppression there are so many websites talking about the common signs of suppression. These signs are 1.distracting yourself as a way to keep yourself from reacting

2.avoiding talking about the situation because you don’t want to feel negative emotion

3.avoiding places, people or objects that remind you of the negative emotions you don’t want to feel. These signs are basically what I do, but in different forms. The importance of me saying these things is that if someone out there that you know are doing these common signs then reassure them that they have you to talk to. Reassure them that it’s okay to feel "weak" because after that dip in your life you are going to comeback stronger than ever. A better you. The real you.

I can never go back. I am so used to this lifestyle. Of course people have told me it is okay to let it out. I am just not able to. I do not like letting out my feelings. I do not like anything that has to do with me. To me it is so dreadful to explain my feelings. The things that run through my head can not be explained. Sometimes I do not even know how I get all these these thoughts. From dreams, stories i have heard, TV shows, all these random things that I conjure up and believe that is real. Someway, somehow i came up with a list of expectations for myself that i think to believe that my parents tell me in an implicit way. That list tells me how I am supposed to act dress and how to be me. The number 1 thing on my list on how to act is to always be strong. Never show weakness and it is wrong to do it if you actually do show it. I guess what I am trying to say is I feel this way because there is no other way that I have learned how to feel any other way. I am scared to venture into my box of feelings and open up. So I stay where I think it is safest and easier to me.

In Chimamanda Adichie said in her story called The danger of a single story. She talks about how we have all misperceived someone or something more than once in our lives. There are always two or more sides to a story not just a single side. She explains in her talk that we should learn the other sides before making our final decision on that person and/or thing. I’m fine is a funny phrase. At first you thought I’m fine actually means I’m fine. But now after reading this you know it has multiple sides to it. Even though this is just my story you can ask people and they might agree to what I have written. When I read this essay I learned things. I learned to always get the second side of the story before I start talking. I’ve learned that I’m never okay even though I say I am. I’ve learned that it’s okay to open the box just a little to a stranger. I hope you read this and view the world differently. I hope you think twice before getting one side and not the the full story. Thank