Should Social Compliments Disappear?

Should social compliments disappear?

We live in a society where “compliments” are rooted into our daily lives. It is important to mention that there is a very thin line between compliments and harassment. An unsolicited comment, even, can be considered as harassment. I feel as if many people still do not understand the difference between the two. Men tell us things from “Good morning, beautiful.” to “You look delicious.”

My answer is yes, I do believe social compliments towards women should be eliminated. You may ask yourself: why? First of all, because they are usually given in public by strange men we women have no relation with whatsoever. Also, they do not seem to care that their opinion was uncalled for and that we are not interested if they think we are attractive. They do not care if their comment was inappropriate, if it made us feel uncomfortable or scared, even. Compliments are not just compliments, there is usually another intention behind them, subtle sexism, of dominance, of gender violence. It means turning women into an object of exhibition and contemplation. It’s evaluating us and not taking into consideration if we want to hear that evaluation.

I don’t take the words that strange men say to me as a compliment because 99.9% of the time, it’s not, its harassment. It's a statement of power. It's a way of letting me know that a man has the right to my body, a right to discuss it, analyze it, appraise it, and let me or anybody else in the vicinity know his verdict, whether I like it or not. It's a power that is used to intimidate and dehumanize.

Men: you can have the best intentions but that doesn’t mean your comments won’t contribute to the environment that makes us feel unsafe. You’re making environments less welcoming and more a minefield to negotiate personal freedom, whether on the street or on the Internet. Men who think they're being nice by complimenting strange women care more about themselves than the women; this desperation of forcing women to hear just how beautiful you think they are is creepy.

It doesn't mean you can't flirt, or be attracted to a stranger, or make a polite approach and strike up a conversation. Those are all completely different things from commentary about your body that is directed at you, not to you, the dehumanized discussion of your body by a group of passers-by, not caring that you can hear. Those aren’t compliments, they’re something else.

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