Memoir

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I turned to my dad and said “why,why my grandma,why” repeating over and over, my dad just hugged

me and didn't say nothing but one sentence saying “I don't know mija”. In that moment I saw in the

corner of my eye my brother, it was the first time in my life seeing him cry with tears, pouring like rain

on the windowpane, I knew he was in pain and I felt miserable not being able to do anything about it. It

was a painful moment for all of us, hours later sitting in my bed with dried tears in my cheeks, I just

wanted to fall asleep thinking this was all a bad dream I could wake up from, in my sleep I had a dream

that changed my life at that moment. (in my dream) I was laying in grass full of beautiful flowers around I

stood up and from a far away distance I saw my grandmother smiling at me. She looked younger and

could walk, then I looked at my hands and saw they were small like a little girl of the age of 7 or 6. In that

moment we both ran towards each other until we finally hugged each other, a hug like a little girl who

needed to be comforted by someone because she was sad. It was a dream I didn't wanted to wake up from,

but when I woke up I realized, she was telling me she's okay and I didn't have to worry about her, I

knew deep down in my heart that she was finally resting in peace (I cried with tears of happiness). I knew

she was alright and now I could finally move on. Since that day I knew that I wanted to work in the

medical field to help others find peace in their life just how my grandmother did that day, and made a

promise to become the person my grandma would look at, smile and say“esa es mi nina”(that's my girl).

There was a time a year before her death she said to me “Jessica, I'm going to start to eat better so I can

have a better and healthier life” responding to her “grandma I’ll support each decision you make

because you, me and my mom will be together forever” she said in spanish “ if the time comes when

you won't see me in person or can't hug me and I can't be with you, just look into your heart and you’ll

find me there, guiding you in your path each in every moment because I won't be here forever”I hugged

her and said nothing, with tears falling from my eyes. A quote that always inspires me in these moments

and makes me believe there's peace and happiness is by Iyanla Vanzant “forgiveness is a process of giving

up the old for something new. Old experiences and memories that we hold onto in anger, resentment,

shame, or guilt cloud our spirit mind. The truth is, everything that has happened had to happen. It was a

growth experience. There was something you needed to know or learn. If you stay angry, hurt, afraid,

ashamed, or guilty, you miss the lesson, you will be stuck in a cloud of pain”. In this situation many feel

guilt for not being able to do something about it, just like how I felt with my grandmother, but all we can

do is cherish our love ones and stay by there side until there very last moment, just like how me and my

grandmother spending together our last moments we had. Our love ones leave us at a certain point, but

our memories always stay in our hearts. I’ll never forget my last memories together with my grandmother,

but I know that deep down in my heart she will always be by my side forever.

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