Managing Anger in Strategic Communication

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Understand your actions urges: Wanting to strike out means anger. Wanting to run means hurt and sadness. Wanting to undo the situation may be guilt. Wanting to hug might be love.

Join or take part in the emotion with self- control: Always let your “head rule your emotions.” This applies to positive and negative emotions.

Look at the outcome: What is your reaction? The reaction of others? Are you tired? Are others angry with you? Do you feel pleasure?

In the heat of the moment, it may not be easy to logically identifywhat we think and feel, and we may need to take some time away from an individual and the situation to calm down and think rationally about our emotional responses (Darrington& Brower, 2012). Analyzing how one would communicate anger is beneficial to reduce feelings of anger (DeVito, 2003). The SCREAM method details a step by step process in analyzing anger. Taking the time to reflect and accurately identify our thoughts and feelings helps us more accurately express them to others, and in turn, we can better discuss issues and manage conflicts in our relationships (Darrington& Brower, 2012).The SCREAM process of analyzing may help you respond and communicate feelings of anger appropriately.

S(Self)- How did you interpret the situation? How relevant is event to you?

C(Context)- Is it the appropriate time/ place to express your anger?

R(Receiver)- Who are you really angry with and why?

E(Effect)- What do you want to achieve when communicating your anger?

A(Aftermath)- What are the long term effects to communicating feelings of anger, effects on relationship?

M(Messages)- What message/ channel is appropriate (email, phone, face-to-face)?

(DeVito, 2003).

The steps above is a great way to process your approach to communicating feelings of anger. Managing anger when communicating is essential when you desire for anindividual to gain/ maintain respect, in addition to hearing your point of view. Thepositive outcomes for expressing anger appropriately may include; problem resolution, increased mutual understanding, improved relationships, enhanced status, increase work motivation and improved attitudes (Geddes &Callister, 2007).

Also, anger expressed about organizational problems can highlight critical areasrequiring transformation and can provide opportunities to gain competitiveadvantage by increasing organizational knowledge (Fitness, 2000). To achieve thesepositive benefits to expressing anger one can “communicate anger non- angrily”. Developing a set of strategies to effectively manage your anger when situations orfeelings of anger arise is essential when communicating (Wanberg& Milkman, 2006).In the article SCREAM before you Scream, DeVito (2003) outlines the followingstrategies to communicate anger;

- remaining calm and logical,

- examine options (delivery of message),

- delaying expressing anger (practice what you want to communicate),

- remember any cultural differences,

- use I messages,

- recall the irreversibility of communication (once you say or send it- it cannot be deleted) are also strategies to

The use of “I” messages decrease helps person take ownership of how they feel inaddition to expressing what is desired. “I” messages can be an effective tool in deescalating defensiveness and improving communication within relationships (Darrington& Brower, 2012).This style of communication tells thelistener that what is being said about the situation isbased on personal experience and is not necessarilyobjective fact, leaving room for discussion. “I” messages can be rehearsed as follows;

- I think ____________ (your thoughts aboutthe situation).

- I feel ____________ (be sureto state an emotion rather than a thought. Forexample: excited, frustrated, concerned,etc.).

- Because/ When ____________ (provide thespecific reason you are feeling this way,preferably with an example).

- I want ____________ (provide a suggestionon what you think could resolve thesituation).

Putting it all together; I think this is challenging. I feel left out when I am not invited to the meeting. I want to be part of the planning process because I enjoy working on this project and have a lot of ideas.

Converting to “I” messages may have its challenges due to the fact individuals maybe accustomed to “You” messages as well as not identifying their emotions about a particular situation.

Assertive communication is the goal in managing anger in strategic communication. The various techniques listed throughout this paper highlights techniques that result in communicating assertively. To express yourself assertively requires self- awareness and knowing what you want and need (Johnson, 2003). It means showing yourself the same respect that you demonstrate toward others (Johnson, 2003). Practice the steps below to develop and maintain managing your anger in strategic communication.

- Prepare for a neutral conversation by diffusing your emotions and by waiting until the other person is likely to be least reactive and most receptive.

- Deliver your message briefly and directly, without being sarcastic, condescending or judgmental.

- Be respectful. Allow enough time for the other person to respond without pressure.

- Reflectively listen. If the person becomes defensive reflect to them what you hear them saying and validate their feelings.

- Reassert your message. Stay focused on the ORIGINAL issue, do not be derailed.It takes two people to escalate things. Don’t participate.

- Focus on solution, without demanding that person respond as you do. Because you brought it up, you have probably been thinking about it and resolved some aspects of the situation. Therefore, it is important that you facilitate their participation in the problem solving the issue so that they don’t feel like they have been railroaded. (Johnson, 2003).

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