Power in Hollywood - an Educational Autobiography

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So at the end of 2005 I found myself financially strapped and I had to move into a one bedroom apartment with another girl. I really had no choice in the matter or else I would have had to pack up and move home. The rent for a one bedroom at the time was about $1200.00 a month and that wasn’t even in a nice area of Los Angeles. This was all to fulfill a dream.

I eventually met my boyfriend of 3 years on a TV set and lived with him for about 2 years. When I look back now, I think I just did it for the convenience and not for the right reasons. I didn’t have the money to live on my own at that point either. Eventually that relationship exploded and I found myself back to square one again trying to find another apartment in the fall of 2007. In the midst of all of this, I was going to acting school, and I had a good talent agent. He would submit me for project after project for over a year and I didn’t get into one audition with the major networks. I went on auditions for a ton of independent projects but nothing ever panned out for me. My boyfriend constantly booked movie roles and commercials and my green eyed monster came out. We constantly fought as tensions arose from my lack of career success as he skyrocketed. Again, power displayed its ugly head again. It was so important for me to become successful that I couldn’t care less if the people in my life found success.

My agent eventually dropped me and said he had a conflict of interest at his agency that looked identical to me. That was pretty much the downward spiral of my acting career. Then in the fall of 2008 I received a lump sum payment for an unlawful termination lawsuit and it gave me enough money to continue on my path to success. I attended the acting school of Howard Fine Acting Studio, one of the renowned coaches in Hollywood, having trained stars such as Brad Pitt and Liam Hemsworth. The school wasn’t cheap and I found myself plopping down $5000 to attend his beginner and intermediate courses.

I eventually tapped out of all my money I had again, in late of 2009. I had no choice but to pack up and move to Arizona. I moved in with my sister so I could get back on my feet again and went to work for Chase bank. The truth is I never planned on being here in Arizona for the next 3 years. My plan was to save up my money again and move back to Hollywood.

I work at a stable job and have a stable income. I have an agent here and go on auditions from time to time for bigger projects, last I auditioned for was for the show Las Vegas. But what I realized from stepping out of Hollywood, that there are many more important things to life than being famous or being an actress. Family is the most important of all and nothing can replace that. Having a stable career and income and planning for the future is of utmost importance. Although one would think my value system would be completely changed, it’s actually gotten stronger. I think that the lesson learned from moving to Hollywood, is that just because it looks pretty on the outside doesn’t mean it looks pretty on the inside. When I was a teenager I had met a talent agent in Pittsburgh, who had set up a fake agency and took advantage of innocent women, including me. I am fortunate to be still writing this paper as we speak, is all I will say on the subject as it’s too private to get into in a paper.

If I could speak to a younger me now, I would definitely stress not trusting anyone. It sounds really harsh but in the entertainment business you never know what you will find. I was naïve many times over as it was my optimism that got the best of me. I always thought people had the right intentions when in fact, they did not. In the end it all boils down to power. The guy who ran the fake agency took advantage by using his power over others. Tony Tarantino’s father used his power over me to try and get something for his benefit. My cousin is so wrapped up in his own world, that power has overtaken him as well. All that is important to him is being on the top, not helping anyone in his way. Now in my present life I try to be the best person I can possibly be. I don’t try to do favors for people to benefit myself; I do them because it feels good to me to see a smile on someone else’s face.

If I could move back to Hollywood and do it all over again, I would go back with a solid executed plan. Not a haphazard, fly by the seat of my pants, type attitude. That never gets you anywhere when a plan isn’t in motion. Who knows, maybe down the line I will decide to move back when I am confident and ready. I want to establish a career and a solid foundation for my future first.