Monologue

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am sure she would feel the same way if the shoe were on the other foot. Hopefully she will give me some sympathy today.

I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t be so nervous. Over and over again, I am trying to convince myself I’ll be fine. Last night I laid awake until 4.30 in the morning telling myself that I would be okay. I told myself that the worst possible scenario is that I make no friends, hate the school and spend all my time eating my lunch in the library. That is the absolute worst. It is bad, but I could live with it. However then I started thinking, what if I get bullied? What if everyone picks on me, persecuting me and hence scarring me for the rest of my life? Can I live with that? It sounds pretty dreadful. I really do not know how I would handle that? I might be physically tough, but emotionally … I think teddy bears handle adversity better than I do.

I concentrate on my breakfast, still munching on my muesli; I take a concerted effort to swallow each mouthful. The idea of stomaching my food is another issue altogether. I feel like my nerves could bring it up at any second. I try concentrate on chewing the food, but my mind drifts. I cannot keep my thoughts away from the day ahead. This day will make or break the next three years of my life. Three years is not that long in the grand scheme of things, is it? It is just a flick of dust on the map that is one’s life. If the day goes downhill, as I have been dreading, I just have to remember that it is only three years. I can get through this. I know I can. As I swallow my last bite of breakfast, I know that I can do this. After all, even if it’s hell … it is only three years of hell.