Through the Tunnel

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7.3/4 Wed Thurs.

In these two days, Jerry kept practicing holding breath. Although I felt like my heart was squeezed when seeing Jerry with reddened eyes and bleeding nose, I just softly suggest him not to overdo things if I were him instead of restrict him to stay on my beach. I certainly don’t feel good, but I consider it was an improvement for me to be a more qualify mother to Jerry.

7.5 Fri

Today seemed to be a big day. He went to the beach again with pale face and dubious eyes. He went for a long time. When he finally came back with an exhausted body, I was totally freaked out. There were several wounds on his bleeding body and his body was freezing like a corpse. I gave him a big hug to encourage him while comforting myself that he can swim like a fish, nothing bad could ever happened to him. I was eager to ask what happened, but I decided to give him some personal space. I will be willing to wait for him when he would like to tell me anything. Finally, he explained his experience, he said he could stay underwater for three minutes, at least. It was the first time I saw Jerry being so determined to do something and he was self-satisfied by his decision. It could be an adventurous memory for him to end his childhood and being an independent teenager. Once again, I said softly beside his ears, “Well, I shouldn’t overdo it. I don’t think you ought to swim any more today.”

Dear diary, it was a tough week for Jerry who push himself to the limit, so for me, for me as a mother learnt to let go, to let Jerry live his own life.