Why Are You So Obsessed with Me? an Unhealthy Habit

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out to go back to friends, I was walking with my head down looking at the ground until I looked up where he was there in front of me where we almost bumped. The moment I looked up, I saw his eyes, they were the most beautiful pair I had ever seen. It was a straight up rom com movie moment. It felt like the world was in slow motion when our eyes met until I realized I stared at him long enough he might think I’m a creep, I immediately said sorry and continued walking. I tried to keep it cool but happiness already started to fill inside me.

From that moment on I knew it was more than a crush, it was something else. It was the moment I started being delusional, it was also the moment I was reading romantic novels which greatly contributed to my fantasies, so there’s that. This is the part that I hated the most, I would stay up all night and think about him and ask myself if I could see those eyes again. It was cute from the start but it pissed me off after several days because I was starting to get lack of sleep and I needed to finish my research paper so that I could graduate.

The delusions would range from being friends to lovers to the point of us having a family. The family part was my breaking point, which made me think, am I in love with him? Why am I always thinking about him? Why did I even think of that? He didn’t even accept my friend request on Facebook but most of his pictures were in public so it gave me the chance to stalk him. I would look at his face every night and think about different scenarios about our life together. That moment, I cracked. It was the moment I had to go back to reality. It felt unhealthy and it made me uncomfortable. I tried to stop thinking about him, put my mind onto other things like my research paper. After learning he was going to study in Manila, he finally left my mind.

That was the happiest moment in my life, for the first time I was free. I let my feelings enslave me with the thought that I couldn’t live without a man by my side. I was being realistic that we will never happen and it worked. It helped me discover more about myself and liberated me towards a realization that no man is worth obsessing that hard.

To be honest, I didn’t know him at all, I only knew his name and his face, before going to college and finally getting him out of my head, I realized that I was obsessed with the idea of him. The idea of a highly educated man with a lot of achievements, either I wanted to be like him or the realization that I’m attracted to those kinds of men. This is probably the last time I’m going to talk about him but this is such a funny thing to look back to and laugh at. He was going to be my first and last obsession.

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